I think people don't realize how hard is leaving your safe space and go to a new city, in a new country with a new language. Leaving your family, your friends and your favorite places. It is a terrifying change in your life. All I hear is "now you can go out whenever you want" or "you can eat what you want" or "I wish I could live alone". All that stuff is nice I agree. But what about arriving home and having your brothers playing with their toys? Or your sisters laying down in the couch watching television? Or the inside jokes that you no longer can do because you are not there? The kisses of goodnight or the chocolates that your mother leaves you just to spoil you? I don't have that anymore. I miss having my sister telling me to shut up because she needs to sleep 8 hours. I miss warming my hands on my little brothers neck. I even miss the smell of my room.
Despite this I am loving the University and my course, I love my roommates and the city is beautiful. I feel lucky for being able to do what I love in a place that has everything that I could ever ask for. It is such a precious city with so many things to do that I am rarely sad. This is my home now.
But this post is about my return to Portugal for a few days. My sister's birthday was in the beginning of November so I decided to surprise her by appearing at the door steps at midnight. Very movie style I know.
The best part besides being able to hug my friends and family again? THE FOOD. Oh men I missed eating well. I am so done with noodles and quick meals but I also hate spending too much time in the kitchen. This is a dead- lock. But yea, lucky me my stepfather is an angel who cooks better than most chefs. I discovered something that left me quite surprised. I am so different from a few months ago. I felt that and I was like, woah I am not a kid anymore, I even use the vacuum cleaner by my own will.
The fact is that are things that do not bring me joy anymore. I want to find new places, go to art shows, walk around the city, go to a club and just dance all night long. I want to comunicate with people and surround myself with good vibes. The best part is that I know that I grew up as person, emotionally. I look at some attitudes that I used to have and I get so mad at myself. I can not avoid thinking how my year would have gone if I had not wasted my time with toxic people and became myself one. Nowadays I try to be my best self to everyone and I don't pay attention to insignificant stuff. I realized this and I noticed that I used to be a shitty person due to people that did me wrong but not anymore. That is nobody's fault and belongs to the past.
I went to Museu Coleção Berardo where people can enjoy modern and contemporary art and works by great artists like Marcel Duchamp, Pablo Picasso, Salvador Dalí, Andy Warhol, Francis Bacon and a lot more. I was also at Pensão Amor, my favorite place in the world to spend some time. I felt in love with this bar the first time I step foot in it and since then it just became one of those places where I go with my favorite people to have a nice time. It is so artsy, so filled with history. It has the greatest teas and I feel so relaxed in there. I always go during the day because there's no one in there. People don't know what they are missing.
My beautiful city I missed you so much. I am honestly so in love in Lisbon, everytime that I spend some time walking with no destination I find a new place or a new painting. It has so much to offer.
It was good for me returning to Ribeira with my friends, go down the streets that I was so used to or eat at the table with my family like the old times.
I am so happy with my life.
Don't forget to take a look at my Tumblr. I update it daily. http://carlota-b-lopez.tumblr.com
(C.L)
